I came across an Instagram post that bothered me to the core.

The basic premise was this: Women with infertility, in general, are infertile because they are over-worked, over-stressed, under-eating, over-exercising, not fostering healthy relationships, not eating the right things, and not getting enough sleep. Women with infertility are in a state of utter distress and chaos! It went on to say that if you simply correct these issues, then tah-dah, you’ll get pregnant!

For the average sub-fertile woman who needs a few tweaks, this absolutely speaks truth. It may lead her to make better lifestyle decisions, take control of her health, and may even ultimately contribute to the conception of a child. It may … or, it may not.

This post received so many likes and affirming comments. Yet for me, it spoke zero truth. If my skin wasn’t as thick, I’d consider myself a failure. As a woman who has endured several years of infertility and seemingly/humanly done ‘all the right things’ to restore my fertility and not a single one of ‘the things’ landed me pregnant, I just can’t buy into this claim. It’s too limiting.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not undermining the importance of good health and I’ll be the first to advocate for it in all seasons and for all people, whether the goal is pregnancy or not. I simply have to ponder after so many years of infertility if health is the sole factor at play here.

Most days, I’m not a bit over-stressed or over-worked. Ask anyone who knows me and they’ll tell you I’m not under-eating or over-exercising and (lucky for me!) I get plenty of sleep. Not to boast, but if you ask my best friend, she will tell you I am the epitome of good health and a ‘mostly’ properly ordered life.

The honest truth is, I see ‘less than healthy’ women get pregnant all the time!

Side note: what about the health of men in the journey of trying to conceive? We live in a culture where there is a hyper-focus on female fertility. Men’s health and lifestyle factors are usually ignored, even by health professionals themselves. Men are often unfairly pushed out of the conversation when it comes to reproductive health. But male factor infertility is on the rise and equally important to address. It takes two to tango!

In general, there seems to be a widespread belief that fertility, and therefore pregnancy, is all within the reins of human control. The list goes on and on: If you take this herb or that vitamin, or do such and such exercise program, or go on a vacation to relax, or (heaven forbid) use this sex position and not that one, then your fertility will be restored and YOU will have achieved it.

Here’s the main thing I’ve come to believe and that I cling to as a trusty consolation: If God willing, I ever become pregnant, it won’t be because I did ‘this thing’ or ‘that thing’. It will be because God, who is the Creator of life, made it happen. It will be because God willed that new life into the world through the loving embrace of me and my spouse.

Now don’t get me wrong. I do believe men and women, in marriage, are called to be co-creators and agents of life with God working in us. We are called to responsibly cooperate with God’s divine plan. In this modern age, we even have access to scientific tools providing us with the knowledge to identify our fertile and infertile days.

In union with our spouses, we are given the graces to discern how God may be leading our families to grow, and not just biologically, but also in the virtues of self-control, loving sacrifice, and trustful confidence in a God who takes care of us in our fertility and in our infertility. And yet still, at the end of the day, that’s about all the control we really have.

Many well-intentioned people offer unsolicited advice. Doctors search to diagnose and treat underlying clinical conditions contributing to infertility. Even several fertility awareness influencers on social media share wellness-based remedies to the problem. But I think deep down, so many people truly miss the obvious (or maybe not so obvious) point.

And that’s this: We simply don’t we give God enough credit.

God, who created the universe, creates every human person who lives and moves and has its being. God does it. God breathes life into us from the moment of our conception and he breathes new life into us now. The Lord of all, the God who forms us out of clay and has counted all of our bones.

I imagine God, from his high vantage point in heaven, giggling at all of the ways in which we human beings rationalize and strategize as we try to control our fertility. We make it into something so complex, so complicated.

God is so much bigger and more beautiful and good and generous and life-giving and creative than we can imagine. His ways are better than our ways and far more powerful.

If he deems to create new life, which is a gift, then he will (with a bit of human participation and certain conditions met). And if he doesn’t, well then, he is still God and he is still good and he knows what’s best for the world and for his children.

If God opens the womb, it’s because he is the Author of life, the mysterious Author of so many lives deeply known and willed by him alone.

Turns out that God doesn’t need us to do ‘all the right things’ because at the end of the day, he’s got it all covered. We can pretty much just leave it in his hands and give him ALL the credit.

This beautiful truth, years deep in infertility, allows me the freedom to breathe a sigh of relief and put my shoulders down a bit and say: this is a truth I can accept and it’s “a truth that sets me free.” -John 8:32.